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its been really long

i know i havent came on here for a long time just cuz i just try to block this thing that i know is never gonna go away..no matter what i do or what i try to do hes always on my mind no matter what! im hes mother and i guess that what im suppose to be like! i watch these on tv about what i went threw and i just cry. is that what im suppose to feel like?i mean i dont take back what i did cuz i made the best thing i have every in my life! and i gave something to someone that could never feel whats thats gonna be like and i will you know.i just have no one to talk to about it that it freaks me out when i think about it cuz i just want to talk to someone but you is all i have.and im okay with that too! at least i get to let it out

Posted by urwithme143 at 04:56 on February 9th, 2010 at 4:56AM
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hey guys

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Posted by urwithme143 at 00:15 on August 24th, 2009 at 12:15AM
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what if

Posted by urwithme143 at 23:18 on July 25th, 2009 at 11:18PM (updated Jul 25th, 2009)
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cant wait

Posted by urwithme143 at 23:44 on July 22nd, 2009 at 11:44PM (updated Jul 25th, 2009)
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cant wait

today i got a call from my adoption lady that the adopted parents wrote me a letter and a gift for me! i cant wait to see it and what they say about kiah! i dream about him every night! what he lookes like or his smell ... just goes threw my dreams! i cant wait to meet you kiah! i love you baby boy

but im in vegas right now visiting my sister and my brother in law! my whole family is here mom and dad sisters! we havent been together since 2005 christmas and i feel like a family and i dont get to have this feeling very often. so i charish whatever i can get!

tell again

loves

i love you baby boy kiah

your always in my heart

My mood: extremely indescribable

Posted by urwithme143 at 23:44 on July 22nd, 2009 at 11:44PM
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my fear

Posted by urwithme143 at 14:44 on July 19th, 2009 at 2:44PM
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getting better

Posted by urwithme143 at 21:32 on July 16th, 2009 at 9:32PM
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another day

today was another day gone by that i still wonder about him. and i just dream about his face when i held him! i miss him so much because he was apart of me and i only got to see him for 2 days! i know that days go by it gets better and my pain will go away but for now it just stays the same! just one day your a mother and then your not but that was my chose to make and i have to face it. its just going to take time. everyday that goes by ill get better at it. i just have to remember that it wasent my time and i made someone that couldnt be a mother be a mother! and thats the most wonderful gift i could give a woman because if i couldnt have kids i would want woman to do the same that i did! i hope that every woman thinks about adoption if they know they cant give the baby the life they know they always wanted them to have! just wanted to tell zedakiah(thats what i would have named him . my first boy) tell kiah that i love him dear and one day we will met again.. i love you kiah

My mood: very hopeful

Posted by urwithme143 at 22:38 on July 15th, 2009 at 10:38PM
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was an okay day

Posted by urwithme143 at 23:39 on July 14th, 2009 at 11:39PM
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1-3 of 3 Blogs

its been really long, posted February 9th, 2010

hey guys, posted August 24th, 2009

what if, posted July 25th, 2009

cant wait, posted July 22nd, 2009

my fear, posted July 19th, 2009

getting better, posted July 16th, 2009

another day, posted July 15th, 2009, 2 comments

was an okay day, posted July 14th, 2009